Lost From God's Love

Four short words. I was speaking recently and at the end of my talk I ask for prayer requests, reminding those in attendance if it weren’t for those who diligently prayed me through I wouldn’t be standing before them. Since I can’t go back and pray for each of those people I pay it forward by praying for anyone who allows me the privilege. This has been one of speaking’s biggest blessings. I get to pray for jobs, homes, children and quite often I receive an email or card reporting of God’s provision and answers to their prayers. But once in a while I receive a heart aching request that sticks with me long after prayers are said. This was one of them.

“Lost from God’s Love” was scribbled across the card that had been folded in half. The person who handed it to me I remembered as her eyes never met my mine, she quietly slid me the card and escaped the room as if I might chase after her. I wish I had.

Her four words keep echoing in my mind. I want to tell her how she is not lost from God’s love, not now, not ever. I want to tell her, nothing she could do, nothing she could say can keep her lost from God’s love. I want to tell her to let “it” go whatever “it” is to the Master’s hands. I want to tell her she is loved.

It sticks with me so because I remember that feeling. I remember thinking, “God’s love must not be for me.” Look at my life, if He truly loved me, wouldn’t He have protected me? Besides I had been so angry with Him, I had made so many mistakes there is just not room for me in His love. I was tired of cliché’s and Sunday School answers, wondering…. “Where is God right now?” I too believed I was lost from God’s love.

I began to question God. “How could you love me? How could you continue to allow this to happen to me? I have been used and tossed away, how will You God be any different?” Oh the ache even as I type these questions. It is that deep pain you experience when you truly come face to face with your own existence. When the noise fades, the drink wears off; the friends leave and family betray you, leaving you with only you. And God.

My husband recently compared this to vomiting (I know gross huh, just like a guy) you know you feel so much pain and you hold it in and hold it in until you can’t bear it anymore and you have to let go. It is messy and uncomfortable, (not to mention disgusting) but once it is all out you begin to realize you feel better. All of a sudden the stuff you have been hanging on to, the stuff you have been stuffing is gone and you can begin to heal.

When I started to ask questions, when I started to get real, get real with myself and get real with God, He could bring in the healing. When I quit telling others how good I was, when I admitted my mess. When I got out the stuff and finally admitted I alone was not enough. God began to come in and bring in healing, wholeness and a peace I couldn’t even begin to imagine before. He began to show me His love, His plan, His grace. He showed me that people were going to let me down (just as I have let many down) yet He was NEVER going to leave me, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. He was never going to abuse me or make me walk alone.

This evening as I prepare for bed for about the thousandth time today I lift her up, I ask God to place His hand on her, I ask God to show Himself to her in a mighty way. Since I am guessing He is already doing this I ask God more importantly to give her eyes to see it and a heart to hear it. I pray that she will soon realize that has never been and never will be “Lost from His love”.