Christmas Angels... don't you love em?

What was your favorite Christmas memory? The question has been posed to me. There was the year of the Barbie dream house.  It even had an elevator. Then there was the year of the guinea pig, yup you guessed it somehow little Squeakers survived the flight on the sleigh and found a place under my tree. Memories of the kids first Christmas’ and watching them open gifts they have hoped would be in the pretty packaging. However, ironically my favorite Christmas happened during my worst year. 2001. I was recently divorced and even more recently informed my son was autistic. 

Only a month before Christmas I was at the edge of homelessness and God showed up. (Insert Thanksgiving story, if you haven’t heard it you will have to wait for Thanksgiving) Since He had performed a Thanksgiving miracle I knew that God would take care of us but just wasn’t sure what that would look like and how it would happen.  

The month of December began with my friends (church and work) asking if they could help my family out with some Christmas gifts. A week later a parent of my long time best friend asked if she could take me shopping to pick out clothes for the kids and some gifts. I came home with bags of gifts and a Cub gift care that would provide food for at least the month of December!  A couple of days before Christmas gifts were delivered by some angels (disguised as my friends) and when they said “some” they were LYING! Truckloads of gifts were delivered. Some other friends invited me to a traditional Christmas family celebration at their parent’s home, there my children were guests of honor, loved on, given gifts and I was even forced to try Lutefisk. YUCK! :)  In their home I was family. Christmas morning we opened gifts for what seemed like hours. The kids had more gifts that year than every birthday and Christmas they have ever had combined. They still reference it as the Christmaspalooza. 

In the worst of times yet it was the best of times. After Thanksgiving God promised me that if I gave Him the reins He would not let me down. Through these most amazing people God was able to tell me this.

Lisa I love you. I love Mikaela, I love Ben, I love Faith. I love you so much. I know sometimes you feel so lonely. I also know that you trust me but sometimes you need a little reinforcement. I know all your needs so I have sent you all these amazing people, people who love me and love you. Stop for a minute, take it in, look around and see what I have done. I love you. 

Christmas happened so that we would have Jesus, (God with us) thanks to that Christmas 2001 I am reminded that God is always with me, wherever I am and wherever I go. No guinea pig could ever beat that! I pray God is able to remind you of the same this Christmas! 

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Pleasing People

“He is really such a people pleaser.” It was about the 12^th time my son’s teacher said this in the morning IEP meeting. The first 6 times she said it I was thinking it was a good thing, it was followed up with “He is so cooperative” and “Ben is so flexible” but the tone began to change and it appeared that the group didn’t think Ben’s people pleasing was such a gift after all. You know that moment in time when you suddenly see something in your child that you don’t like about yourself?

My name is Lisa and I am an admitted People Pleaser. I have read self-help books on the subject, I met with therapists regarding the issue, requested wise counsel on the matter but honestly 36 years later I haven’t changed much. I like people to be happy and I like it even more when they are happy with me.

All day long it bothered me. How did I unleash this terrible habit on my son? Will he ever learn to stand up for himself? Will he be beaten down and never find satisfaction? After all who can ever please everybody? I worried, I prayed that my deficient mother skills hadn’t brought too much harm to him or at the very least it might be reversible.

When Ben finally returned home I sat him down. I explained to him how important it was that he realized it wasn’t his job to make everyone happy not only that but his self-esteem shouldn’t depend on what others think of him, only what God thought of him. At that point I think he might have thought I lost my mind because he gave me an exasperated “MOM what in the world are you talking about?” I told him about the meeting and my fears for him. Then he said “Well mom, I don’t care. I truly don’t care. I mean I am just happy to be there. So I figure hey, if they care about something more than I do, why not let them have their way? (long pause/sigh) Mom is that wrong?” 

I had to think for a while, honestly too long because by the time I had an answer it was too late, he was gone. I am pretty sure he wasn’t really asking me a question. And that is how it is with Ben, more often than not he is the one teaching me the life lesson rather than the other way around.

People pleasing is not always bad.  In fact it can be quite good. If you care deeply for someone, you are sincerely grateful (as Ben is to be at a truly amazing school) or you believe in the golden rule, why not go out of your way to please someone else? Lesson learned. I probably should have consulted Ben before therapy, think of the money I could have saved!