My Big Brother

It seems appropriate to tell one of my favorite stories (and trust me there are many, many to tell) about my brother today on his birthday. To understand the depth of what happened you need to know a bit about my brother’s past. My brother was always has always marched to the tune of his own drum. It makes him unique , beautiful and honestly a little frustrating. This different spin on life made him a target for bullying when he was younger. It was a time when there wasn’t diversity training or bullying prevention. This made school a very difficult place despite the amount of energy and time my mom put in to advocate for him.  My brother had a hard time learning which negatively impacted his self-esteem. As a result of this intense bullying and struggles of life my brother desperately searched for a place he fit. He thought he found that place with some kids who were drug users. He was welcomed into the drug world at a young age and unfortunately this decision would bring heartache for him and for those around him who loved him deeply. My brother dropped out of school and journeyed down an incredibly long and difficult road. It was agonizing for all of our family to watch.

I knew my brother’s past and all that was stacked against him but still I was angry. I was angry that he didn’t say no. He didn’t choose a better life for himself. You see I am a rule follower. I like rules (well my rules anyway). I simplify things by making two classes of people, rule followers (good) and rule breakers (bad). My brother was a rule breaker. He didn’t conform to my standard of living and it annoyed me. I have this religion that is all about grace and love yet I was extending on him judgment and shame. 

Fast forward just a bit. My brother was in a severe ATV accident where his leg was pretty much severed off my a telephone cable. He would have bled to death except that there happened to be a person driving by on this old abandoned road that rarely saw one vehicle a day. This accident  was followed by incredible long, painful recovery. My brother had several surgeries, skin graphing, was placed on a ventilator for several days and many times he was near death.

During his recovery he was staying in an old nursing home at least 9 hours away from us. He had an external fixator on his leg which is what I am told one of the most painful things you can ever experience. (It is a device that stretches out the bone) He would call me and tell me stories about the nursing home and since life was kind of boring for him he liked to talk. A LOT. However my life was not boring in fact my life was over the top busy and I didn’t have time to talk with him to hear about life in his nursing home. I know how selfish that sounds but I do try to be honest in these posts and honestly I was selfish. 

One day he called me really excited to tell me his newest story. The conversation went a little like this…..

Ron-“Remember the old lady who yells out for blankets that I told you about?”

Lisa- “Uh huh.” (Did I? maybe…not really…)

Ron-“Well last night she yelled out again so I went in. The nurses were busy…”

Lisa-(I hope he doesn’t talk too long, I have so many things to do. I have no groceries, what was that Mikaela told me she needed for school, marshmallows? Why does she need marshmallows at school anyway?)

Ron-“Lisa? Are you there?

Lisa- “Yea, I am here, you went in to see the old lady.”

Ron- “Yea and you are never going to guess what happened?”

Lisa- “Okay…” (I hope he makes this short)

And then he told me the following story.

“Lisa the lady told me she tired and sick and tonight she was going to see her husband and have that dance he promised her. I quickly figured out that she was hallucinating since her husband was dead. But I humored her and sat with her and held her hand. We recited the Lord’s prayer together. (thankfully I resisted the urge to express my surprise that he still remembered the prayer) I held her hand and read to her and finally she told me she was tired and ready to go to sleep now. I left her room and in the morning when I woke up her door was closed. The nurse told me she has passed away in her sleep.”

(Huh cool story I thought. But I wasn’t nearly prepared for what he said next)

“You know Lisa if my whole life, my mistakes, my failures, my accidents, the pain, the surgeries, everything, everything I have experience lead me to be in that room with that woman to hold her hand so she wouldn’t be alone on her last night. It was worth it. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Wow Ron, that is a cool story. (I probably mumbled something about needing to tend to the kids and hung up the phone)

I just sat there. Taking in what he just said to me. I started to weep over my own selfishness, over what I had been missing in my brother. I guess if I am honest with myself I want to believe sometimes that I was made for some kind of noble purpose, noble by the world’s perspective anyway. In my private moments where I don’t want people to see or know about, I know that I am selfish and full of pride. Would it be okay with me if my purpose was to hold the hand of a random dying woman in some small town no one has ever heard of? What if God called me to wash the feet of people no one knew or cared about. Would I or could I say “Sure God, I will suffer through this thing called life all just to wash the feet of a bunch of no bodies.”  With no recognition, no glory? Just say “yes Lord sure thing, wherever you call me I am there.” I really wish I could tell you today that would be my answer. I desperately want to be that person. Thankfully God’s not done with me yet, He is working on me and molding me a day at a time; helping me to see people with His eyes and not my own.

My brother has become someone who has inspired and taught me. He has reminded my how to be humble, how to see and love people the way that God does. He has shown me my own brokenness and how he loves me anyway. My prayer today on Ron’s birthday is that God would continue to give me a heart like my brother’s that sees brokenness and hurting and does something about it, even if no one is watching.