My Emmanuel Moment

 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Emmanuel” 

(which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23

It has always been my favorite part of the Christmas story; when the angel explains the new baby’s name. Emmanuel, God with us. The very name of Jesus literally means He is with us. I heard the verse many times but the meaning never meant much that is until my “Emmanuel Moment”. The story takes place in Thanksgiving Day 2001. Pretty much my whole life had fallen apart. My husband left, my son was diagnosed with autism, I was behind on every single bill, about to lose my house and here it is Thanksgiving and now all three of my kids have the stomach flu. It wasn’t pretty. Besides all the obvious conflicts I was also fighting a battle with God. I was trying to understand my faith and where He was in all this mess.

Before all this Thanksgiving chaos I had come to understand who God was and what He meant to me. I grew up being abused by my father and this created quite a conflict for me with God. Child abuse is something that can be very hard to understand in reference to God. I mean if He is God why doesn’t He just do something. This lead me to some complicated thinking of who God was and what He stood for. Walking this path I did uncover some truths when it came to God. 

1.) God hates abuse.

2.) God hates anything that messes with children.

3.) God gives us a freedom of choice, all of us, even those of us who do hurtful things with our choices.

4.) God can make good out of evil. In fact He is pretty good at it. 

Learning this changed my life forever. Yet still somehow I misconstrued the very character of God. I had determined that when I was young I didn’t really know God, I did not understand who He was therefore I experienced some difficult times. Now subsequently I know God and understand His ways and am choosing to live for Him things shall become easier. 

Do you see the conflict? If life was supposed to be less complicated and more comfortable God had truly let me down. In fact life only seemed more stressful and intensely painful. I didn’t understand. I felt betrayed and alone. 

I cannot begin to describe the aching of my heart that Thanksgiving Day.  The hurt became so strong I lay down on the ground with my face buried into the carpet and asked God to remove me from the pain. It even hurt to breathe. I was not sure how I would even regain the strength to physically stand again. Thankfully I would not have to. 

While on the floor I wept in pure anguish and God heard my cry. As I lay there on that floor I began to experience a warmth come over me, similar to a warm blanket being draped over me except there was no one else in the room. It is hard to explain but I knew I was NOT alone. My heart heard a soft whisper. “Lisa you are not alone. You cannot do this anymore. You can’t but I can. We will do this together.” I felt a body next to me with arms wrapped around my shoulders. I was not alone. Emmanuel, God was with me. 

A new perspective came over me. Life in this place, on this planet is tough and sometimes it downright sucks. Horrific, unspeakable things happen. Things I cannot begin to understand or explain. God never promised me comfort only that He would walk with me hand in hand. I believe he held me when I was a young girl and wept over the innocence that was stolen away just as much as I believe He was there with me in my living room that day.

You might not believe me. That is okay. Honestly it is okay. I know I sound a little crazy describing it.  Yet I know it is true and that is why I have to tell it.  As long as I live I will never forget it. I have never again experienced God like I did that day but each time I tell the story I am reminded of God’s incredible love for me. I am reminded that on a day when He could have been anywhere else. He was there. On my floor. Next to me. 

Emmanuel=God with us

Epilogue-Five minutes after my “Emmanuel Moment” a friend called and asked if she could stop by she had a card for me that she was going to give me later but believed God had placed it on her heart to come then. Inside was a check for more than $3000 that my friends had collected for me. Turns out God wanted me to know He was with me and that He had also surrounded me with a bunch of pretty awesome people! 

May your New Year be filled with peace and joy and many “Emmanuel Moments”.