5 Things Moms/Dads (this mom anyway) of Special Kids Love to Hear

As promised with slight delay.....

5 things that are mostly* safe to say to parent of kids with special needs

 

1) "I can see you love your son/daughter very much."

I cannot begin to tell you many, many things I have done wrong as a parent of a special kid. (well all my kids honestly) In every case though even when it was clearly wrong I did it out of love for my son. You might not agree with decisions that another parent might make but it goes a long way to recognize the love they have for their child.

2) "Everything eventually will be okay."

In nursing school we learned this is false assurance and you should NEVER ever say this. In the special needs world however, it is justified. As a special mom often all I can see is the problem right in front of me I can become hyper-focused. It is good to be reminded that this (whatever this is) will likely pass. As a Christian mom I am reminded that God is in control, God loves my son and everything EVENTUALLY will be okay. Having patience is key.

3) Compliment their special kid. 

You need to understand as special parents we go to meetings (hours and hours of meetings) where we are told all the ways our kids are different, where they don't measure up, their weaknesses, their struggles and how much help they need. I cannot emphasize enough how powerful a compliment is. One time (in a particularly rough season) a friend came up to me and pointed out "Look how Ben is standing there. He is being so patient and waiting so calmly." I was over the moon, it made my whole week simply because someone pointed out how well Ben stood! A positive word travels a long way.

4) "How can I best support you?"

The power in these words. Those who have spoke these words to me were the ones I knew were in it for the long haul. These were not words of judgment and criticism. Instead these are words that communicate "I am with you. The good, the bad I am here." Friends who have asked me this question have become life long family to me. People whose presence is priceless to me.

5) Nothing. This is expressed in two ways

       A) The nothing where you are just present. You are a listening ear. You do not offer suggestions or advice simply a listening ear, a hug and maybe some tissues. Not everything has an answer.
       B) The nothing that completely ignores what just happened. The nothing that communicates "I did not just see that total meltdown" or "I did not hear a thing". There are times when we need to pretend (even for just a bit)  that whatever happened did not happen. This could be followed up with (what would be a perfect number 6) "Why don't we go have a glass of wine."

*Disclaimer- "mostly" if ever you are questioning what you should  say refer to number 5.