Help Wanted

Resolution-Shmesolution. My last posting brought many well-earned sarcastic comments from my closest friends. My mom was thinking the posting came from my most recent visit to the Church Basement Ladies play. That is a strong possibility. However my idea to “Just Say No” sounds lovely, putting it in practice I have found much more difficult.

The other day Grace and I were together and I was typing into my phone, a quick message I needed to relay and Gracie remarked “Why don’t you just call them?” It was a simple question and I had a simple answer, I hate the telephone. This is probably just another symptom of my busyism syndrome, calling takes so long, texting is just easier and quicker. Then Gracie cut me to the quick, “Mom” she says, “Sometimes you just need to hear a voice.” I contemplate for a while on her words, here I am 5 days into my New Year’s Resolution and can I name one thing, one place that I just said no ? One time I refused culture to rush me through? Nope. So I deleted the text and dialed the number. I know wow right? Some people quit their job and join the peace corp. Me? I dial a number.

This is where I would like to request YOUR help. If you have mastered this slower pace of life or taken the path less traveled I want, no I NEED your tips.

• ·        How do you provide a healthy dinner around the table that everyone likes with homicide as a side course?

• ·         How do you prioritize life without driving yourself crazy?

Maybe this is something you have been working on yourself, being intentional about slowing down the pace of life. If so would you share with me your story? Imagine how God could use us if we slowed long enough to hear His voice, I bet we could fill this internet space with astounding stories of how God is using His people! So let me have it, your tips, your encouragement, your struggles, your failures (after all an intelligent person learns from their mistakes, a wise person learns from other’s mistakes) your challenges, your triumphs! I can’t wait to hear!

No Time to Spare

Busy, that evil four letter word. Busy and I are on a first name basis and if I’m honest it is a love/hate relationship. I love to do so many things, but I hate when that love gets in the way of the people I love even more. I believe busyness is an epidemic. Everywhere you look you see burned out people. You walk into the grocery store and there are entire coolers dedicated to drinks for the busy person, ones to keep you awake, put you to sleep, diminish stress, give you energy, retain your memory and who knows what else There are many things cause stress but I bet you a million dollars if you got to the base of much stress you would find busyness. Now all the people who know me, if they continued to read this far, just checked the top of the page wondering is this Lisa? Did someone hack her account? Right, so I guess I could call myself a bit of an expert on these things. 

Yesterday however, I saw busyness from yet a new and even more disturbing way. It was a harmless comment, a compliment actually but it has haunted me ever since.

I was helping at a funeral for a God fearing, wonderful man in my church. He was an older man ready to move to his eternal home in Heaven. I was setting food out on the table when the funeral director and his assistant came into the Fellowship Hall and he got this very surprised look on his face and ran over to the table and knocked on the plates. He exclaimed, “Wow, real plates, real plates!” and his friend countered “yea and real table cloths.” He turned to me and saw the bewildered look on my face and obviously felt the need to explain.

“Churches just don’t do this anymore. I never see real plates, than people have to wash them!” His friend added “The same goes for table cloths, these are beautiful.”

Could we have really gotten this busy???? We can’t offer two hours of time to ensure the family who has lost a loved one has a beautiful place to grieve and share memories?

I know you are thinking “Lisa, it is just plates” but do you see it is really a sign of the something a lot bigger. It is not about the plates, in fact for my funeral, paper plates would be perfect, it would be symbolic of my life, I LOVE paper plates, I hate washing dishes. Beside then there would be more time for a party! However to me in this instance there are two issues.

1.       We are too busy when we skimp on the things that matter and then pretend like they don’t. “It’s just plates” It’s just plastic cloths, who will notice?” We get busy and we make substitutions that cost us our relationships, our integrity, our humanity. Okay so I have taken paper plates to losing all humanity. Maybe a tiny bit dramatic.

2.       We have lost our respect for the seniors in our life. I walked back to the kitchen mulling over what the funeral director just told me. I silently wondered why real plates were so rare. As I entered the kitchen I found my answer. There stood my answer, the lady who had planned the entire funeral, decorated and readied the food was a lovely senior herself, with curved fingers as arthritis had taken its toll. The reason we still have plates is that we still have seniors planning the funerals in our church. What will happen as they slowly pass away? For their funerals I am afraid we too will begin using paper plates.  I have much to say on this but I will save it for another post. (I know you can’t waitJ)

Trust me, I fully recognize that as I point my finger at society, at you, I realize that all other fingers are pointing right back at me. I am the worst culprit of all. This was the first funeral I have worked at in my church. I think I was too busy for all the others.

I hate resolutions, they are just a reminder to me of my great capability to start something but not finish.  But this year, I am going to make a resolution. If you are older like me you might remember when Nancy Regan started her drug free campaign; “Just Say No” was the tagline. Well, this is going to be my resolution; I am going to “Just Say No.” I am going to say no; no to things that rob me of my relationships and no to things that steal respect away from those who deserve it. I am going to refuse to allow society and culture to tell me that I need to do more and move faster, and miss life along the way. 

I pray that God helps me in this process. I pray that He give me eyes to see others, that He gives me a mind to discern important from unimportant, feet to do only what He calls me to and hands to wash lots and lots of dishes.

Go to Nineveh!

Go to Nineveh. That was the challenge.  Do something, something a little outside your comfort zone.  This was the challenge posed to the awesome ladies I have the privilege of hanging out with every Wednesday evening.  We were doing a study on Jonah and we were challenged to step outside our safe little bubbles and do something for someone else.  After weeks of ideas, prayer and deliberation we decided to partner with a ministry that serves the homeless in Minneapolis.

As a group we decided that we would make 200 meals to deliver to the homeless in Minneapolis. A few days before we were to make our trip, the leader of the organization In Love, Word and Deed talked to me about gathering some coats. She told me that on her last visit they had to turn many away without a coat. She thought they turned away as many as 100 people. A huge shadow of doubt cast over my heart. How in the world would we gather enough coats to make a difference in only a few short days? We talked about it the Wednesday before and as a group we decided we would do the best we could to spread the word and let God do the rest.  And WOW does He love to work in those situations. On the day we gathered to go the kids counted the coats they came to a final tally, 46 men’s coats and 41 women’s coats. I was impressed but then one of the girl’s noticed a pile behind the boxes and there laid 13 more coats. 100 COATS!

We pulled up to a shelter downtown Minneapolis and began to unload our boxes to set up on tables. I could NOT believe how quickly people began to line up. There were men and women of every race and every age.  People began to pour in.  There were enough ladies at the tables so I just began to walk around the room, taking in the situation. I noticed a man asleep across some folding chairs. A couple sat holding hands in the back corner of the room. I began to see the faces. These were people, real people with emotion, stories, thoughts and cares….. just like me.  Growing up my mom used to always say to me “Remember every person is someone’s sister or son or daughter.” I have always tried to see people through that lens. This time though, it was different the people standing before me weren’t just someone’s brother or daughter. They were me.  If I am honest with myself I recognize that I have made many mistakes and took many wrong turns. I am fortunate to have family and friends who have helped when I have needed it, who have loved me and carried me through but where would I be without them?

The truth is we are all just a few choices or a different childhood or a death or a job loss away.  Aren’t we? One man I talked with told me about his childhood with 7 brothers and 4 sisters and his parents who weren’t really parents at all. I silently wonder, why not me? As his story unfolded I began to recall the many, many blessings I have been given.  Not because I deserved them, not because I earned them. In fact I still have no reason to explain them.  No reason other than grace.

I was challenged to go and make a difference for someone else.  I am not sure that happened but I know for sure they made a difference to me. 

I will be going back. I will bring more coats and God will provide them. I will again be reminded of my many blessings and the unearned grace that has been given to me. I will see people not only as someone’s loved one but as myself.  I am no better, no different, no more loved and no more worthy of God’s love.

I Trust You

The list continues to grow daily on all the things autism has taught me. I will not always like autism but I will definitely learn valuable life lessons from it. My son has autism however my son is not autism. He has autism just like he has a few little freckles and some adorable dimples, he has autism. He sees life through a slightly different set of lenses than the rest of the world. Many times I find this incredibly challenging and beg God for a special set of contacts that might give me a glimpse into Ben’s world. And every once in a while God gives me exactly what I ask for.

A few weeks ago Ben had to have a colonoscopy and upper endoscopy. It took a week of preparation, a new diet, some laxatives, fasting and we won’t even go into drinking the giant jug of “prep”. Ben did each step without a grumble or complaint. The time came for the procedure and I reminded Ben to cooperate and do as the doctors told him. When he groggily came out of “surgery” he began telling me that they had to poke him 8 times to get the IV in. Astonished I asked him if he said anything or told them to stop he said “Mom you told me to listen and do what they told me to so I did.” I almost didn’t believe him until the anesthesiologist stopped in to check on Ben and his “8 pokes.” He commented that he had never seen a kid just sit and be quiet through all that. I just stared at the floor “he was doing what I told him” I thought.

Ben recovered quite well and wasn’t fazed much by all the excitement. A few days later it occurred to me, “Ben has never asked about the test, not about results or how it went.” So I decided to ask him, “Ben you never asked about the test or what they found.” He turns to me and smiles with those adorable little dimples showing “Well mom, I trust you.” Drawing out the last part as if to say, “silly little you, don’t you know?”

My first thought was “Child, you trust me way too much.” After a few moments though God was able to break through and teach me yet another lesson. “Lisa do you trust me that much?” Ooohhh I didn't want to answer that question. When I undergo tests and trials I question God. “Why God, this doesn’t make sense. What purpose will this serve? Why now? Why him? Why me?” I grumble and complain and question God’s plan or purpose for me. I am quite sure that my plan is better or more efficient and I am quick to tell God how and when things should be done.

God and I have been talking a lot about autism. I hate that Ben has to struggle each day. I hate that I don’t always know what to do for him or how to help. I question that I am what he needs. Yet God continues to use all things for good if I trust Him. And today God used Ben to teach me that I don’t always have to understand EVERYTHING. Some days I can stop my grumbling and questioning and look up and say “I trust you God, yea it stinks, yea I am uncomfortable but I know you love me and I know you will do what is best for me.”

Let it go.

Today I attended church. Wow I know, right? Well due a long list of extenuating circumstances that I won’t bore you with I hadn’t actually been in the church sanctuary for a worship service for a long time. I can see how when you take a hiatus from church and go MIA for sometime you can begin to think, “I am pretty good, I worship God in my car, (where I don’t have to hurt anyone else’s ears) I have lots of supportive friends, I talk to God almost continuously (I am sure He might like a break) I read my Bible and serve others when I can. Oh yea and I don’t drink, swear, do drugs or dance.” Okay so the last part is simply because I can’t actually dance not because I have an issue with it.

I walked into church and I see the words “Let it go” and I think (sorry Pastor Scott) Let it Go? I have been a Christian for 21 years I have heard the sermon and given the sermon myself at least a few times. Let go and let God. I have to be honest, I decided 21 years ago that I wanted to live my life as Jesus did, I wanted to let Him have my life. I have never regretted that decision, the single most important decision I have ever made. However, that life can sometimes grow stale, (thanks to our own human nature) we hear the same messages, read the same verses and sing the same songs and we can begin to wonder, is this it God? Is this “The Life” you were meaning?

For me a large part of those 21 years have been operated on crisis mode, times when just standing seemed to take more effort than I could muster up. A time when “Let it go” wasn’t just a nice greeting card saying but a motto that I had to live my life by. The last few years although have come with the normal life challenges but no major catastrophes. “Let it go” has simply lost its meaning, let go of what? What to make for dinner? What sweater to wear tomorrow? Sure there are some tougher ones, How can I help Ben? What will make his life a little easier? But… “Let it go” simply isn’t the standard in my life that it once was.

So I finally get to go to church and what do I hear? Let it go. Really God? This is what you have for me? So I sat, I found gum in my purse and checked to see if anyone texted me. (I know I am really proving my shallowness, Drew has always said I am WAY to open of a book) As the sermon came to a close there was going to be some time for quiet prayer reflection. Why is it that 2 minutes of quiet time can feel like 2 hours? Especially when God has something to say and your not really willing to hear? At the end of the prayer time we were instructed to walk forward and place a rock in the bucket at the front of the stage. Symbolizing what we were choosing to let go of. I wondered what it the world I needed to let go of.

Then as I sat there, piles of worry began to come over me, in-escapable fears just couldn’t be tucked away. Thoughts that had been stalking me over the past several weeks. I have been recently questioning my decision to go back to school, wondering if this was the right time, right choice? I have been fretting over my plate being too full, wanting to speak more and work less. I have been worried over Ben, his future, his disability, his schooling, his health. I have been fearful lately that my children might feel abandoned by me, that I haven’t fulfilled what they need in a mother. I have felt guilty that the house has been messy and the carpets need cleaning, I feel terrible when the best meal I can muster is micro-waved French toast sticks and a gallon of syrup. I should go all organic and throw out sugar and preservatives I know. I want my husband to know he is my priority but I silently come to terms with the fact that actions speak louder then words. I glance around the church and see the faces of at least 3 people that I didn’t email or call back, what will think about me now? I should be a better friend, daughter, sister, wife, mother….. I am afraid, afraid I will fail.

It was in this very moment I heard the words “Let it go”. But God, this is so minor, nothing has happened to me, no major setbacks or crisis. “Let it go.” But God I am afraid… “Let it go.” But God….. what if I fail? “Let it go.”

I stood and carried my rock to the front and let it go. As I returned to my seat I was flooded with the reminders that God is bigger than my worries, bigger than my regrets, bigger than my weaknesses, bigger than my failures.

Reminded that….

His grace is sufficient.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9