A Dum Dum sucker. Yes
that is what my ten year old daughter wanted to be for Halloween. Of all my kids she has the oddest costume
requests. One year she was the mouse (from When You Give a Mouse a Cookie) and
can’t forget the year of the guinea pig. (Especially thankful for my neighbor
Staci that year!) I want to be clear here I am much more a “Pinterest Fail” mom
than an actual “Pinterest” mom. I try. I sincerely do. They say 3 simple steps
and make it look so easy, I do not know what my problem is but rarely ever does
it even come close. I have to be honest though is has never really bothered me.
It just is not me. I have accepted that and been fortunate to have some of the
very best friend/Pinterest moms who fill in for me when needed.
Recently though I have begun to wonder about my mom skills.
I am not sure if it is having a new job, increasing expectations (from both
myself and others), added stress, aging kids (which of course = aging mom)
whatever it is, it has gotten me down. So yesterday (Halloween) when Grace
casually noticed “My costumes never look the way I picture them.” I was
ready to break down in tears. Another let down. Another failure. Another time I did not deliver. Yes I am
probably being over-dramatic but please someone out there admit you have had
the same thoughts at least once?
It is hard being a mom. I mean it is beautiful and lovely
and wonderful and sometimes it is really, really hard. Why don’t mom books tell
you that? Why don’t they start out with “You can read this book but there will
come a time when there is nothing in this book or any book that will give you the answer you are looking
for.” Because being a MOM is sometimes
incredibly hard. When you can’t fix things or change the situation. When you
can’t will your child into the spot on the team or get them a role in the play.
Or more seriously you can’t take away an addiction or make them choose what is
right. And yea, yea I know failure can be good. It builds character. They learn compassion, perseverance and hard work. Some rejection is
helpful, even necessary. In your mind you know it is good but they
forget to tell you that it literally feels like someone is ripping your heart out.
It is not that you want your child to have everything they ever desired or
never have to work for something, it is just that you did not know that you were going to feel so much pain.
Wow I could seriously just end the post right here. Because
it is how I feel. Being a mom is hard. And often I am not enough. No matter how
hard I try. I can’t take away every tear or even design the perfect costume.
Last night as I was pitying myself and my terrible day when I
heard a silent whisper. “My grace is enough.” What? “My grace is enough.”
Honestly you know what I wanted to hear? “You are a great mom. Your kids are
lucky to have you. You are the mom of the year.” But seriously, it is true. We will never be enough.
Never. We will never be every single thing our kids need us to be. Why? Because then they would have no need for God. I do my best. I try hard. And sometimes I
still disappoint, I still fail. It is in the moment I am grateful “His grace is
enough.”
 |
| My sweet little Dum-Dum :) |
Prologue: Before bed Drew and I were laughing at how bad the
Dum-Dum costume turned out. Seriously friends Gracie and I spent hours and hours writing
out “Dum-Dums” and drawing really bad apples. I spent way too much money on fabric markers, cotton, fabric, etc… (with
which I could have bought a pretty spectacular Elsa costume) and she looked
like a very messed up little ghost. While I laid there contemplating my newest flop Drew says “You know what she told me while we were trick or
treating? How she loves that you always
make the best costumes. Lisa she went on and on about how much fun she had
creating it with you and planning for next year.” Wait, what? She did? Grace
said that? My heart swelled a little. Maybe just maybe I am not a complete failure.
I am so flawed, so far from perfect. Good thing for me
though, His grace is enough.
