It has been one year since we sold our first Not for Sale
shirts. I could hardly believe it when the reminder popped up on my social
media timeline. For me this mark in time has significant meaning. One year ago,
God turned my world completely upside down.
In June 2018 I was preparing for my third trip to Honduras.
I had a better idea of what to expect, I was still nervous, just not the same
jitters and anxiousness that the unknown brings. I was excited to re-unite with
old friends who were now like family. Which is weird to say because I had only
spent 20 physical days with them at most. Funny to reflect on now, the one
consistent with a trip to Honduras is that you really never know what to
expect.
God has always met me in Honduras. He has taught me lessons
so deep and so powerful, I am thankful to have learned them and grateful He
trusted me with them. I have experienced grace, I have been convicted by my
pride and selfishness, I understand on a new level the importance of
gratefulness and I have been reminded of God’s great love for me and those
around the world.
That being said, God had never met me in Honduras the way he
did June of 2018. Maybe He has never met me that way anywhere. As per our norm
we worked and played at our favorite little school in San Pedro Sula, we made
food bags and for me I mostly played soccer with the 1st and 2nd
grade boys. That is the extent of both my soccer and Spanish skills. This
particular year we had a side trip to a smaller town a couple of hours away
from San Pedro Sula. We were partnering with a Lego League team from a local
middle school to bring an actual working water filtration system to provide
clean water for a small school and the surrounding community.
I was excited to embrace this new adventure. Turns out the
boys there enjoyed playing soccer too. The landscape was different but the
people were just as kind and hospitable. The first day, some had heard I was a
nurse and asked me to take a look at a couple children struggling with
malnutrition, to give advice on nutrition that might lead to growth. The
following day a young lady (let’s call her Maria) sat down next to me and my
youngest daughter Grace. Turns out they were the same age. She was carrying a
baby, it was not uncommon for older siblings to care for younger siblings. With
my limited Spanish I offered her a smile and hug, she hugged back and gave a short
sad smile. One look into her eyes and I knew she had seen far too much lifetime
in her short 14 years. Following our embrace her story was relayed to me. This
was not her baby brother, this was her baby son.
Maria’s family had been targeted by human traffickers. Two years prior, Maria’s parents believed
they were sending their then 12-year-old to work at a business in the city. She
would earn money for her family. She would have medical care, be fed and
sheltered. Sadly, Maria never reached this “business” in the city. Instead she
was kidnapped across the border and was prostituted in Guatemala. Maria
eventually escaped and thanks to the help of her teacher she returned home with
her parents.
She was and is just a baby herself. I just sat in shock
holding her sweet baby, silently wondering how this could happen. Later I learned
two more pieces of information; 1) The malnourished children brought to me the
first day were Maria’s siblings 2) There were several other girls targeted by
this same ring, some who have not yet returned.
The rest of the trip happened. It was good. Work was done.
God showed up. Lives were touched. My body participated but my mind was still
back in that little school room on the hill.
This one thought replayed over in my mind.
When I was a little girl I was abused by my father. If
anyone knew. If any of my family or my friends knew, they would have stopped
it. They would have protected me. If only they knew.
And now. I knew. I knew what was happening. I knew that
parents were being faced with challenges beyond their control. I knew that evil
people were taking advantage of that vulnerability. I knew that children were
being forced to quit school to work to attempt to help put food on the table.
And that vulnerability put these people at risk to be sold into things and
places that I still can’t wrap my head around today. I physically witnessed all
of these things and then I flew back to my safe and comfortable home.
I came home and I was different. In every. Single. Way. I
was so conflicted by so many thoughts. I was heartbroken. I was confused, how
could God allow such things? Where does such evil come from? How could I come
home and just do life? How could I reconcile the things I had seen? I was
angry. I was sad. I was overwhelmed. What could I do? Nothing.
A month of this. A month of asking, searching, trying to
make sense of it all. I decided I was not sure what God was doing but I was
sure I was going to trust Him. I decided He allowed me to be there for a
reason. >>Side Note: People have asked me if God has called me to
Honduras. Honestly? I do not know. I guess I just believe God calls you to be wherever
you are. God calls you to the waiter at your favorite restaurant. God calls you
to the neighbor next door. God calls you to your grieving co-worker. He calls
you to the place you are in. And my only desire is to be where God has me today.
And God allowed me to be in Yoro in June to see what I saw. That is something I
am sure of.
One evening, a month after returning home I was driving home
and I was telling God just this. I told Him I did not understand but I would
trust Him. I did not know what to do but I wanted Him to do something and I
prayed God would let me be part of it. That night as I sat in my dark car alone
God whispered to my heart and said “You have allowed me to use your story to
bring comfort and healing to others who have experience similar things. Will
you allow me to use your story to keep this abuse from happening in the first
place?” What an easy question to answer. ABSOLUTELY, YES!
In my studying I came across a group of verses in Romans. I
was reminded that it was through the redemption of Christ that we are justified
and given grace. Then I read that the word redemption/redeemed was commonly
used in biblical times in the slave trade. A person was redeemed from slavery
when another person could pay their ransom/debt. I realized that no-one; no
child, no boy, no girl, no man, no woman could be for sale because Jesus
already paid the price. And thus, NOT FOR SALE was born.
One Thursday night at a church softball game, after
returning home from Honduras, a sweet friend asked me how the trip was. I didn’t
watch another play of the game. I told her every detail I could remember. Then
I told her that I was thinking about selling T-shirts to fund education in Yoro
because (in my mind anyway) education seems like a great way to escape poverty.
I thought the T-shirt should say “Not for Sale”. She took a long pause and then
told me “Well I have a T-shirt press in my basement” and by the time I pulled
in my driveway that night she had created and texted me the T-shirt design.
One of the MOST important elements of Not for Sale is the
three women in the Yoro community who are passionate about the children and
families that reside there. They are passionate in their faith and seek to love
God and love others. They are a constant encouragement to me and I pray I am
able to bless them half as much as the bless me.
Thanks to the very generous support of too many people to
count, the little school has electricity and a bathroom. A group of women have
started an education program to learn a trade. They are learning to sew and
commercially cook. We have dreams of adding on a classroom (ensuring an
education beyond 6th grade), we dream of financing micro-loans for
women to start their own businesses, we have dreams of empowering families and
personally I dream there will not be ONE MORE SINGLE CHILD sold or tricked into
human trafficking.
Truth-I often feel overwhelmed, I feel intimidated, I second
guess myself, I get embarrassed, I think about what others think, I question if
God can use me despite my brokenness.
This is what I have learned: God is actually using my
BROKENESS. In fact, it is where He does His best work. When He asked if He
could use my story I didn’t really understand what He meant but I see now that
the journey He has walked beside me on has produced dependence on Him, empathy
for others, deep love for children (especially the most vulnerable ones) and a
lot of brokenness. And God is using that very same brokenness (He uses our
weakness to show His strength) which has produced the person I am (the good,
bad and ugly) and THAT is the person He wants to use. I still don’t completely
understand but I am trusting Him. Funny that the things I have hated most about
myself (both portions of my journey and characteristics of myself) seem to be
the things He consistently wants to use. It is a continual reminder this
journey is not about me. It is not about my short-comings. It is about Him and
His great, unconditional love. Yes it is.
As for me…..
I am just a nurse who literally has THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE
and I sell T-shirts to whoever will let me with the hope I might be just one
small sliver to ending human trafficking once and for all.
BECAUSE People are NOT FOR SALE.
